Two long and laborious weeks...

This hypothyroid thing is whipping my butt. Seriously. I get depressed just thinking about my list of symptoms, which ironically also includes depression.

Anxiety
Insomnia
Fatigue
Irritability
Depression
Mood swings
Hair loss
Weight gain
Aches & pains
Exhaustion

I started medication almost two weeks ago, and so far have not experienced any improvement. In fact, if anything, I feel worse than before I started. I've Googled until my eyes go crossed, but can't seem to find any reassuring anecdotes describing a similar lack of improvement from other hypothyroid-buddies. It's completely popping my outrageously unfounded balloon of hope that my miraculous recovery is right around the corner.

In case you're interested, I was taking Armour Thyroid (15mg) faithfully at the same time each morning. After two weeks, I feel pretty desperate for some relief. Taking medication without symptom relief is worse, in it's own way, than not taking any medication at all.

I've been very nervous and cynical about my primary care doctor being open-minded enough to focus on how important it is to me to relieve my symptoms rather than simply evaluating my lab values. It was a very pleasant surprise, then, when I called and left a message for her nurse explaining that I was not getting any relief yet, and she called back to let me know she'd called in a new prescription at a higher dose. I'll be starting tomorrow, and my fingers are crossed so tight they are going numb.

This journey has barely begun, and though I am trying to dig deep for any reserve of patience that might carry me through this uncertainty, I have a secret (or maybe not-so-secret) fear that this is my life now. That this is as good as it will be, and that scares me. It scares me because I'm not confident that I'm strong enough to adapt to this tired, sad, joyless state of being.

I call this an "invisible illness" because it, like many others, is not something obviously visible to the eye. If I walk down the street, no one can simply look at me and say to themselves, "Wow, there goes a girl with hypothyroidism." There are lots of other invisible illnesses: epilepsy (which I also have), fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, depression, Lupus, etc. And all too often, it's really difficult to convince even our family and friends that there is something legitimately wrong with our health. Some people will never know the isolation and loneliness that someone suffers with when they have a health condition that people can't see.

Here's to continuing to working on getting as healthy as we can. Regardless of who can see our suffering, regardless of what our doctors are unwilling to do to help us heal, and regardless of how many times we feel like we've had a setback, we need to keep moving forward. We need to keep making healthy choices, and putting ourselves first--we are worth it, and our health is worth it.

Welcome to Maladies & Misadventures!

Many of us are living with the debilitating and devastating effects of a silent or invisible disease--a condition that others are not able to see, but that affects us in profound ways nonetheless. Sometimes we spend years in our search for an answer, only to get brushed off as "depressed," "stressed," "over-worked," or even just "getting older" by our own doctors. Some of us may even be treated with anti-depressants or other medications that don't address the underlying cause of our symptoms, and in certain cases may even contribute to our failing health. And some may even go their whole lives without getting a proper diagnosis or treatment.

I've named this blog "misadventures" because that is how my journey through the medical establishment has felt--one wrong turn after another, bouncing from specialist to specialist, finally resorting to begging my primary care doctor for blood work to check  my thyroid function. I've known something was wrong for a long time--close to ten years, in fact. During the last five years I've been on a steady but significant decline in health: lacking energy, experiencing sleeping problems, gaining weight inexplicably, having trouble thinking and focusing, losing hair by the handfuls, and feeling crazy and unbalanced.

Even though all of my symptoms are clearly common symptoms of an under-active thyroid gland, at that point my doctor told me that it probably wouldn't help to do any blood work because my symptoms were common signs of aging. I'd had blood work two years previously with blood levels within the "normal" lab values, and she felt it wasn't important to test them again. But I insisted anyway.

Aging.

I still can't believe that was her answer, and I am only 35 years old! I requested a complete thyroid panel, and surprise! surprise! my blood work showed that something was definitely wrong. In the week between picking up my lab results up and seeing my doctor for my follow up, I gave myself a crash course in thyroid disorders. It was a long-overdue education, and gave me the tools I needed to defend my position as a well-informed patient when I had my follow up discussion with my doctor.

I now have a diagnosis of "sub-clinical hypothyroidism" which basically means that my labs show "mild" thyroid changes but based on my symptoms, my doctor can officially call my hypothyroid. Hallelujah! I finally got a real answer, and it only took documenting an entire page's worth of symptoms and an additional page of medical history that has contributed to my current state of health, or lack thereof.

I'll be starting my journey on Armour Thyroid tomorrow morning, and though I don't know how or when this will get resolved, but I am anxious to begin the healing my body has so desperately been crying out for. I've already given up too many years of my life to this crushing illness, and I refuse to lose any more. I hope you will continue to join me on this journey as I explore treatment options, and discuss the many challenges that those of us with "invisible" illnesses face from day to day. I'm here to let you know that you are not alone, that there are many people going through the same challenges that you are. Together, we will find a way to heal our bodies, our minds, and our hearts.