Two long and laborious weeks...

This hypothyroid thing is whipping my butt. Seriously. I get depressed just thinking about my list of symptoms, which ironically also includes depression.

Anxiety
Insomnia
Fatigue
Irritability
Depression
Mood swings
Hair loss
Weight gain
Aches & pains
Exhaustion

I started medication almost two weeks ago, and so far have not experienced any improvement. In fact, if anything, I feel worse than before I started. I've Googled until my eyes go crossed, but can't seem to find any reassuring anecdotes describing a similar lack of improvement from other hypothyroid-buddies. It's completely popping my outrageously unfounded balloon of hope that my miraculous recovery is right around the corner.

In case you're interested, I was taking Armour Thyroid (15mg) faithfully at the same time each morning. After two weeks, I feel pretty desperate for some relief. Taking medication without symptom relief is worse, in it's own way, than not taking any medication at all.

I've been very nervous and cynical about my primary care doctor being open-minded enough to focus on how important it is to me to relieve my symptoms rather than simply evaluating my lab values. It was a very pleasant surprise, then, when I called and left a message for her nurse explaining that I was not getting any relief yet, and she called back to let me know she'd called in a new prescription at a higher dose. I'll be starting tomorrow, and my fingers are crossed so tight they are going numb.

This journey has barely begun, and though I am trying to dig deep for any reserve of patience that might carry me through this uncertainty, I have a secret (or maybe not-so-secret) fear that this is my life now. That this is as good as it will be, and that scares me. It scares me because I'm not confident that I'm strong enough to adapt to this tired, sad, joyless state of being.

I call this an "invisible illness" because it, like many others, is not something obviously visible to the eye. If I walk down the street, no one can simply look at me and say to themselves, "Wow, there goes a girl with hypothyroidism." There are lots of other invisible illnesses: epilepsy (which I also have), fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, depression, Lupus, etc. And all too often, it's really difficult to convince even our family and friends that there is something legitimately wrong with our health. Some people will never know the isolation and loneliness that someone suffers with when they have a health condition that people can't see.

Here's to continuing to working on getting as healthy as we can. Regardless of who can see our suffering, regardless of what our doctors are unwilling to do to help us heal, and regardless of how many times we feel like we've had a setback, we need to keep moving forward. We need to keep making healthy choices, and putting ourselves first--we are worth it, and our health is worth it.